I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
