I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
