I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Your cock deserves a montage
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
