She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
