my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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