I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
