btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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