she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
