Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
