FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
