All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
