I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize