We won't sleep together?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
