it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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