four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
