she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm too high and old for this...
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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