i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
