Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
