True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize