Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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