I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
