haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
