I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
