we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
