And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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