HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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