Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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