Sponge bath it is.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
