I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize
