I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
