Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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