I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
