physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
