Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
