Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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