Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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