I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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