The maid of honor just puked.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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