she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
