I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
