He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
