awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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