He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
