My nipple is on Facebook.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
