do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
