I could make wine with my vomit
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Randomize