You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
