Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
