He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize