Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
