Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize