we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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