Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
