do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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