pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize