3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
