...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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