DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
