I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
