you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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