I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
