I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
