Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
