So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
