the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
