you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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