Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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