No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
