I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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