He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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