thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
May the power of my ass compel you!!
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
