This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
