girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
