why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
