So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
