I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
