I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
