I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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