would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
