He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
