Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
