I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
