Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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