Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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