Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
