strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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